In Sickness and in Health
by Becky Jones
Marketing/Public Relations Coordinator
Davenport Lutheran Home
563-391-5342
World Alzheimer’s Awareness Month is September. So to acknowledge this, I interviewed the spouse of one of our residents living with Alzheimer’s disease.
How did things have to change with your daily lives when your husband first started exhibiting symptoms?
“When Jim was first diagnosed his symptoms were pretty minor, but then it was like the symptoms exploded overnight and he was a different person. As the disease progressed, for example, Jim didn’t care much about his yard or his flowers; though they had been his pride and joy. Before the onset of Alzheimer’s, Jim would cook dinner for us, until the day I came home and found a pan on fire. He didn’t even remember putting it on the stove. I started taking knobs off the stove so he wouldn’t be tempted to cook anymore. It was at that point I realized how bad the disease was getting. As time went on he started having troubles walking and was no longer able to bathe himself. I started bathing and dressing him in the morning before I went to work”.
When I asked Lori what kind of assistance she received from family, friends and the community, she recounts the frustrating experience of trying to make sure that Jim was safe and well-cared for at home, trying to manage paying for these services and trying not to lose her job through it all. She was overwhelmed with worry and feelings of guilt. Thankfully, Lori says, she was able to take some time off from work under the Family Medical Leave Act and with the help of Generations Area Agency on Aging; Jim was able to spend three days a week in a local adult day care center. But Lori works an hour away from home, so even with these programs in place; she still had to rely on friends, neighbors and family, to coordinate Jim’s days.
What did you do, to help you cope with all of this? When and how did you decide it was time to find another place for Jim to live?
“Honestly, I cried a lot and prayed a lot that God would give me the strength to see Jim through this illness and that God would guide me to know when the right time was for me to put Jim in a nursing home. That was one of the hardest things I had to do, but I had to do it for Jim’s safety and for my sanity. I was terribly stressed out and I was getting to the point where I couldn’t control my emotions.”
I toured Jim and Lori, when Pastor Larson first brought them to our Lutheran Home about 18 months ago. I see Lori nearly every night coming to have dinner with her husband. She puts fresh flowers at his place at the table. Jim has a great smile and he won’t hesitate to flash it when I greet him. But when his wife is sitting next to him, his smile is bigger, brighter. Lori visits with the other residents at the table. She asks about them when one is absent. She has become attached to several of them. I think, in a way, it’s like Lori lives here too.
Jim has been with us for just over a year now. Does having him at the Lutheran Home help to relieve some of your worry?
“Yes, it does. Having Jim here has been good for both of us. I still worry, but not as much. I worry about the progression of the disease and about the quality of his life. I have asked Jim on numerous occasions if he is happy here and if they are treating him right. His answer is yes to both. As long as he keeps smiling; I know he is happy and content. That is really all we can ask for when we have to put a loved one in a nursing home. My life revolves around visiting Jim at the Lutheran Home, especially during mealtimes; I am here almost every night for him, to make sure he eats and drink well. I guess I take my wedding vows to heart; for better or for worse, in sickness and in health.”
Getting to know Jim and Lori Lakey is the closest I have ever been to Alzheimer’s Disease. I know that it effects every individual differently and in Jim’s case, it progressed very quickly. Through Lori I have become acquainted with the person Jim used to be and I think at times, I see glimpses of the man she met thirty years ago. I have been amazed by Lori’s ability to manage this loss with such grace and perseverance. And, I am thankful that God answered her prayers by guiding them to our Lutheran Home.
